Unless you're living under a rock, there is no way you have missed the Zayn-pocalypse that struck the One Direction fandom worldwide. Zayn Malik formerly (cries) of One Direction, announced his split from the British/Irish heart-throb boy-band yesterday via Facebook and, lets be honest, it felt like a total junior high, online break up. According to the Facebook post on the bands official site the rest of the band plans to finish the the 2015 On The Road Again tour, as well as releasing their fifth album as a group of four. But whats really on everyones mind is how will anything ever be the same without Zayn's glorious high notes, runs, R&B sound, and his daring, always changing hairstyles? Only time will tell, but for now there are a few things you can do to ease the pain of the split that blindsided us all.
- Cry: Who says you can't shed a tear (or in the words of Ed Sheeran, tsunami tides)? C'mon people, we all know the hysteria caused by the bands like The Beatles, N'SYNC, the Backstreet Boys so why does everyone act so shocked every time it happens? As my mother always said when I was younger, "The more you cry, the less you pee" (I found out later in life that actually wasn't scientifically accurate), so cry sister, cry.
- Watch the movie: So, This Is Us. Watch it and remember the good times... Or be like me and stop it when the intro gets to the slow-mo of Zayn because you just can't even take it anymore.
- Check Twitter: You will probably regret this (I did) but it is simply unavoidable. After scrolling through Twitter and reading until your eyes are dry from lack of blinking, chances are, you've come across at least three conspiracy theories. My advice would be to scroll past quickly and avoid finding false hope in the idea that Zayn was just abducted by aliens, but I've never been one to take my own advice so do as you wish.
- Check Vine: Watch every fan account edit of Zayn you can. Soak them all up and start praying people get creative with their edits, because who knows how long it will be until the viners have new Zayn material to work with. Heads up, you will probably start crying but thats okay because Twitter dried your eyes up anyway.
- Break the news to your family/friends: They will try to care, but they're probably just hoping this "phase" is coming to an end. Ugh.
- Cry more: It's inevitable, because saying it out loud just took it to another level.
- Try to watch the movie again: This time be ready to take on the pain with tissues and food. Go ahead, spoil yourself with those fancy tissues that are infused with lotion, get yourself a microwaveable burrito and some chocolate, and put on your best (ugliest) sweatpants. You deserve it.
- Decide what to do with the merch: Chances are if you're a One Direction fan you have probably accumulated a wealth of merch (merchandise) from family members and friends over the years. Your collection probably ranges from the normal things like posters, magazines, and calendars to the kind of weird things like bobble heads and barbies to the really weird stuff like singing toothbrushes, dog tag necklaces with pictures of each of the boys, and fake fingernails with One Directions faces on them (don't worry I never wore either of those last two), all of which have Zayn on them. Sure, you could burn all of it, but think ahead: how much is all of this going to be worth in 25 years? Box it up and stick it under the bed, labeled "Future Fortune".
- Listen to every song on every album and breathe: Skip the sad ones (Moments, yes skip it, it'll break you every time) and blast Teenage Dirtbag instead. Yell-singing is most definitely allowed, crying is possible.
Also, I would like to inform the remaining members of One Direction and their management team that I am fully prepared to audition to be the replacement member. I have been in choir for the past seven years of my life and sing soprano one, making me fully capable of hitting Zayn's high-notes. Isn't it time for a new Jump 5 anyway? Plus, I already have all of his parts memorized and could really use the extra cash to pay off my student loans... I don't know, think about it?
Oh and side note to all boys, let's not forget how you act when your favorite sports team loses *drops mic*.